Re-entering ‘life’
So I haven’t written in ages. It’s not for the sake of not wanting to write, more like I’ve been going through various stages of re-acclimating to life in the US. Mostly I find it really hard. I think I forget that when you travel you leave people, things, places behind. And they, of course, move on with their lives- as we all would do- but for some reason I just wasn’t really grasping this concept until now. I’ve been gone for almost 2 years, and had a blip of a visit in November 2009- which ended up also being a hard time- so I decided to return to New Zealand because of a job offer for a few months, and also, I think, to escape having to deal with coming ‘home’. I read once in a traveler’s guide that you should never travel to escape life, because inevitably it will come back, or release itself in other ways if you haven’t really dealt with it. I left many strands of life unfinished when I left (including a long and at times very difficult relationship) and now I realize I have to pick up the pieces and get through all the emotions left behind. So in a way, I guess that is also the lesson in travel- you really take yourself with you- no matter where you are. And you will eventually have to face those parts of yourself again, which manifest themselves either in your travels or when you return ‘home’.
I do want to mention, though, that without those travels, without the chance to see amazing vistas across snow peaked mountains, watching dolphins play next to our sailboat, learning how to surf, overcoming seasickness out in choppy Tasman waters, or even jumping out of a plane- I don’t think I would have been able to open my heart again to the beauty that world has to offer, and face what I am facing now. It’s funny how when you open your heart to the world, you open up to joy and happiness and excitement but you also open your heart to pain, grief and unhappiness…and a whole range of other emotions.
